Well I am terrified

A long time ago, when we had to survive in the wild, fear was a good thing 

(flower : not scary. Snake : SCARY) 

So fear is nice because it wants to protect us from the mean stuff outside so we don’t die. Right? (especially when living in Australia, plenty of snakes and spiders and crocodiles and sharks EVERYWHERE) Problem is, sometimes it’s not as simple and our instincts are weird : in reality most spiders won’t hurt you, but the view of one of them in your bedroom is rarely pleasing! And most mushrooms looks kind of appetizing but you would kill your whole family if you cook an omelette without knowing which one are edible. 

So our instinct is weirdly programmed, and it reacts to our emotions sometimes with the brave idea that it is going to save us from a mortal danger when most of the time what we have to do is talk in front of a crowd! (if you ask me I’d have the snake please)

Fear can manifest itself into weird anxiety, and it is here with us, it always will be, and everyone feel it at some point, for different reasons, at every point of of our lives, in any places, at any stage of our career, we will never totally get rid of it (although if you did, send me an email at pauline.goyard@gmail.com and I swear I will gift you a photoshoot so we can spend an afternoon talking! TELL ME YOUR SECRET) 

Fear is also the best marketing strategy ever, and it sells EVERYTHING : weapons, drugs are a classic, but also cosmetics, fashion, sugar, cars, insurances, political ideas and religions. I could probably write a whole book on this (depressing/fascinating) topic! The most important thing we need to remind ourselves is to identify when something tries to get into your « fear system » to sell us something. If an advertising is promising us eternal youth, love, style, safety, a beautiful family, sunshine everyday, and ALL WE HAVE TO DO is buy this car/shampoo/insurance/ vote this guy, JUST RUN. Oh yeah right I just described probably almost every advertising ever created… (did I mention that I was working in an advertising agency before being a photographer? hum)

We all fear the same things : to grow old, to get sick, get lonely, to be a failure in every aspect of our lives, AND EVENTUALLY TO DIE ALL BY OURSELVES from a disease and/or a terrible accident (on a rainy crappy day) 

I make fun of this but I feel every one of this thing deeply in my heart and soul, I am terrified at the idea of loneliness, of aging, of dying, all these craps. And I too would do anything to get some relief from this. 

It is all about what we decide to do with it : Do we let it rule our lives? Do we let it drive the whole way hoping it to take the right road for us? Do we let it take the most important decisions of our lives? Do we let it choose our career? Our friends? our relationships? Do we let it raise our children?  Do we let it elect our governements and run our countries? (spoiler alert : we do) 

What happens when we let fear decide for us?

Sometimes it scares the crap out of you with terrifying stories implying your whole family dying. 

But sometimes it is more subtle it just tells you that you shouldn’t text this girl/guy because she/he will never accept to have a drink with you, because why would she/he? you are scared to feel the pain of rejection again, because it hurts. So you stay at home and watch Netflix instead because it feels nice and cosy and comforting. 

Sometimes it says that you are not a good enough musician and that you will never make it into this industry because it’s so hard and your mom told you it was not a real job anyway, so you give up before you even started, and eat this box of chocolates because it feels good during 5 minutes.

It tells you that you won’t be able to pay your rent next month if you leave this job you hate, so you are scared to chase this dream you have. So you take a loan and buy a car, because you need it to drive to your job everyday, that you can’t quit because you have to pay your loan.

Fear has many faces, it has many voices, and we all have them and we can’t really shut them up. But we can listen to what she has to say. And then we can decide that what we want is more important than the pain that we have to get through to get it. Some scientists made some research on the subjects and found that the main fear that is the master of all our fears is probably THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.

And it makes so much sense O_O

Whatever happens, I will fail, make mistakes, get rejected, get hurt again and again, and then eventually die. So I should at least promise myself that I will make the most out of the time that was given to me here. I want to be an explorer of the unknown, even if yes, this is scary and uncomfortable, but the result worths it so much! And even if the result does not worth it after all, even if I fail, let it be in an epic way! I know I will hate myself even more knowing that I did not at least tried. I am often terrified but I don’t want to let these thoughts  define who I am, and more importantly getting in the way of who I want to be.

The idea of living a life not even trying is WAY SCARIER than any failure, rejection, mistake, shame!

And that’s probably the only secret there is to conquer fear.

I also know that all the crazy beautiful things I ever experienced always happened out of my comfort zone.

So here it is, my blog, a big scary thing, and I sincerely hope it will inspire you, so that we can grow together, and make sure we become closer everyday of the very best version of ourselves possible 

I would love to know your thoughts on this, do you think your fears keep you from growing? Are you on the contrary a conquerer? I could talk so much on this subject I find it so fascinating! 

Lots of love,

Pauline